


A Dark Ones Delivery

by AnitaGrace



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:26:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21962821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnitaGrace/pseuds/AnitaGrace
Summary: The Five Times Batman really needed Midwife training and the time he had it.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. The First Time

**Author's Note:**

> So not sure where I'm going with this but it's cute. maybe?

The first time it happened was when Bruce was very young. He had been helping in Gotham since his parents died but had left for the summer to do some training in the Swiss Alps. It was only his 2nd week in the high-altitude monastery when there was a knock on the door during a storm. One of his jobs was to answer the door. “Please help us. We can't get to town as the road is blocked and the power in our house just went out and my wife and daughter are in labour” the distraught man said. Bruce followed protocol, taking their case and case number to the relevant priest, his supervisor, who quickly brought the family into a guest room. He told them they would try to get a midwife and some doctors in to see them as quickly as possible. In the meantime, they were to make themselves comfortable and Bruce would stay with them to get them anything they could require. The main thing they seemed to require was his presence. He would have been quite content to meditate in the hallway. However, the family ruthlessly insisted on his presence, which was just as well because both the males fainted when they saw the head of one of the children.

It was the younger woman who was delivering first. He stepped in, telling the young mother she was doing fine, then he looked down to see the baby's head emerging from the woman. His first time seeing a vagina and there was a baby coming out of it. Bruce shrugged off the intrusive thought. Now he just needed to focus. Blood...There didn't appear to be any leaking out yet but there was a head blocking the way so that made sense. The woman screamed; both the men were still unconscious. White sissies, fainting at the sight of blood was never a luxury he allowed himself. He waited, standing closer, having immediately put both men in the recovery position in the hall. The other woman, despite being in labour herself, was trying to talk to her daughter, encouraging her while huffing and puffing herself. “Bruce, I can't see straight. You're going to have to catch Claudia's baby. We can't leave her now," the older woman said. “OK, what do I need to know?" He asked. “As you can see, the head is coming out. When it's out, it's likely the shoulders and the rest of the baby will follow quickly. Your job is to make sure that A) he doesn't hit the ground, B) it doesn't pull on the umbilical cord which will be attached to his belly button, C) you need to start the baby breathing. Most of the time rubbing will work, but you might need to clear the airway from there. It should be a fairly standard small person first aid.” The older woman explained all this to Bruce while panting, before returning to the other bed, leaving Claudia to him. 

He carefully encouraged Claudia to push and told her she was doing well. She screamed and pushed with all her might and the baby's head slid weekly into Bruce's waiting hands. Two more seconds and the rest of the body followed easily. He first caught the small lump of the body, pulling a towel from the pile within easy reach and he began to rub the small lump dry. It began to move; a sharp wail was heard. Just then, a woman ran into the room looking frazzled. She knew what she was doing and rushed over to look at both the new mom and the baby. Bruce put the baby on the new mother's lap allowing the other woman to fuss and get things sorted her way. Meanwhile, Bruce went to check on the older woman whose name he remembered as Jasmine. He walked over, checking her pulse which was weak and trendy. He poked her, asking what was wrong. She barely whimpered. He went through all the checks he knew and kept nudging the woman to get any responses. The bustle around Claudia had settled and the baby was heavily wrapped. 

“Mamm, can you check Jasmine over? She's barely responsive and I can't tell what's wrong," Bruce asked quietly. The other woman looked over. Upon seeing the other patient, she raced over and did a thorough check using tools Bruce didn't have. He retreated to the edge of the room and checked on the two men outside and told them one baby had arrived. Both men were pail but looked past him to see.

Bruce heard Claudia scream for him, which confused him as she had already had her baby. He raced back inside. “Yes Claudia, what’s wrong?” He asked. “I'm having Twins!!!” She yelled between pants. Bruce returned to his previous position between her legs; the other baby had been placed carefully in the corner on a lot of towels and bedding. He looked and saw the red and black thing coming towards him as she pushed. It receded slightly when she stopped to breathe. He praised her efforts while extolling her to greater ones as the midwife looked after the struggling Jasmine. At least he could hear the woman grunting as she squatted on the other side of her bed. Seeing the child slide back again, Bruce quietly stuck his finger in there and held the baby's head gently as its mother breathed. The next push brought the baby a lot further out. He removed his fingers as the child seemed to rocket towards him now. It passed the place where the two steps forward, one step back rule was in effect. Woman must have very strong internal muscles, he mused. He waited as the head made fast progress towards him. He reached out, catching the child and wrapping it in the towel. He began rubbing its back. Unfortunately, this didn’t get the wail he was hoping for, so he blew into the child’s nose and mouth to get air into the child’s lungs. This seemed to work as the child started to cry as soon as he removed his mouth. Bruce tried to get the gunk off the child. He then placed the baby on the mother's lap, remembering to be careful of the cord which was still attached to the baby and mother. 

The woman who was helping Jasmine seemed to be having difficulty. Both Jasmine and the lady were yelling at each other now, which was a lot better than the quiet response he had got from her before. Bruce walked over and asked, “Could you disconnect Claudia from her baby now ma'am?” She seemed to scream long and hard as the head pushed open the ring of skin around it opened further. He could see why it hurt her, that looked painful. He encouraged her and told her to keep pushing and the head of the baby burst the edge of the ring. The head extruded like when he had first entered the room when he found the men fainted on the floor. Having done this twice today, he felt very confident in his ability to catch this child.

Just then, Claudia began to cry which confused and surprised Bruce. Why was she crying now? He looked at the woman, she seemed to be trying to take the child from Claudia. "Hey. Don't do that if you can't listen to her then get out! I can't cope with this!" He told the woman, who seemed to take that as an instruction and left the room which made Bruce feel a lot better. He caught the child and placed it in the mothers’ arms. He then walked to the corner of the room and picked up the oldest child, a boy, and walked him back over to Claudia. He took note of the time and wrote it down on a piece of paper, then he went and sat by Claudia, asking her why she was screaming at the woman. He also asked Jasmine, who said she had started to evoke the evil spirits of a nearby tribe of nomads onto their babies and both women where very against such things. “Did she even know what she was doing?” Bruce asked the women. Doing an unasked-for religious ceremony was just unprofessional and unpolite in the monks’ house. His supervisor came by and asked why he sent out the Doula and he told him what she had tried to do. The Monk was rightly incensed. He asked quietly if he could pray for the children and pray a protection for them against whatever the woman had done. Both mothers agreed. One of the men knocked on the door about a minute later and announced the arrival of the midwife and doctor, Bruce was very relieved they had come. He allowed them in the monk finished up his prayer and said he would wait outside.


	2. The Second Time It Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short Chapter

Chapter 2  
The second time it happened, Bruce was 13 and visiting Alfred for what the world thought was his boarding school holidays. Alfred took him to the circus. The clowns came out and Bruce had to leave. Clowns made a prominent feature of his nightmares; he wasn't ready to face that yet. One of the things he was learning in his training was to only bite off what you can chew, otherwise, it will take far longer to deal with than necessary. The fact that others could deal with clowns more than him only meant that he had experienced more of the clowns than most. Considering he prevented 6 attacks in the last week alone, well it began to make sense. As he stood outside the tent, breathing heavily trying to take in oxygen, he heard a scream. He ran towards it. 

Maybe him in his fancy suit could help. He would never ever not try to help a person in need, whoever he was and whatever he was wearing. The screaming was coming from a trailer. Bruce walked over and knocked on the door. The door opened as he knocked. A woman was laying on the ground screaming. "What's wrong? Talk to me." Bruce said, expecting the woman to say something or at least look at him. But she didn't. She curled around her stomach further and went quiet. Bruce reached out his hand and placed it on her shoulder. She looked up at him alarmed as if expecting someone who would come to hurt her. She relaxed as she saw an upper-class boy. "What can you do for me? Find the woman who is supposed to be delivering my child. But she will take it from me to grow it into the weapon they need. I don't want to give up my precious baby!" The woman wailed. 

"I'll do what I can, but right now we need to focus on getting the baby out, so you can hold them. Then we will work out what's next." Bruce said calmly. "What is your name?" He queried. “I’m Bruce.” "I’m Mary.” She replied. “I really don't like this Bruce. I want to stand and walk. I want to swing. I don't think that's normal." Mary said, gasping as her insides contracted. "Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I'm here to protect you and catch the child, then protect both of you." Bruce said, easing the woman off the ground. She grabbed a bar in the centre of the trailer. Having folded all the stuff away, she began to swing and perform a serious of difficult acrobatics. Bruce saw the head appearing as the woman put both ankles and her chin on the bar. The head popped out. “Can you hold that there for a moment?" Bruce asked. As he reached forward, the shoulders slipped out and he caught the slippery baby and quietly wrapped him in a towel. He stepped back. "You can move again. Be careful of the cord though. Come and meet your son." Bruce said, holding the small baby which was trying to cry as he rubbed it with a towel.


	3. The Third Time It Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He Is Batman Young

The third time it happened, it was to Batman, despite Bruce only being 16. He was aware he was supposed to be studying for exams and that was all anyone around him was talking about. He had gotten out of the house by telling them he was going to do some live experiments in physics and human anatomy. He just needed to stretch his legs and allow his brain some free rain. This was the problem with being one of the youngest people to have a Doctorate ever. You still had to keep studying until you were old enough to get a job at 18 and none would let him study anything useful. Some things apparently were not just about how bright you were but more about life experience. Yes, he had tried to get on a midwifery course, and they said no to him, despite him being well-versed in all the terminology. They said no one would trust him to deliver their babies because of his age. When he had yelled at the person that he needed the training due to being in situations where he was the only help available to people and demonstrated this by pulling out the 4 certificates of birth where he was listed as the attending person at the time of the birth the people laughed at him because they were quite obviously fake because he was listed as 12 and 13 in them he had tried again last week but again he had been laughed off. 

He needed to know as here he was again patrolling his city when he heard a sharp cry which tone and pitch he now recognised he swung towards the sound this was why he needed that training he had learnt a lot from books but sometimes you need an actual teacher he knew all the theories and everything but he still lacked the practical knowledge which he desperately needed now as he swung down he heard a man yelling “get up you miserable bitch and get back to work” there was a slap and a cry “but I need to go to the hospital my insides want to come out Will’s” the woman pleaded with him the bat swooped down and kicked the man away as he prepared to yell again it was silenced by the brick wall which he had hit “did you hurt him” the woman sobbed oh my word this woman would be eaten to hell in Gotham why was she here “no he is merely unconscious what appears to be the problem?” he asked lightly in his new special light you’re a civilian and I don’t want to hurt you voice “batman it hurts here she said holding his hand over the small of her back he recognised the place as being really close to delivery he looked about the alley to find a cleanish warm ish spot and asked Alfred to call an ambulance to his location he gently moved the woman to the clean location got out a rescue blanket and lay it on the ground and got the woman onto it “relax I’m here an ambulance is on its way” batman said quietly

She curled up on the emergency blanket. He rubbed her back, carefully removing the layers of clothing she was wearing. but keeping her covered as much as possible. There was snow on the ground which was why they were sitting by the vent in the kitchen, the hottest place in the street. It seemed to surprise her that he knew this, just as he was surprised, she hadn’t already searched it out and used it. Alfred crackled in his ear telling him that the ambulance would be half an hour. Really that was way too long though Bruce as Batman methodically began to try and work out what he could by the time he had gotten down to skin the woman was panting having screamed loudly before he found the head of the baby already out definitely premature, but he helped pull the child out after the next contraction. She was losing blood fast now seeing as the baby had come out the inside of her uterus could now empty showing not much, but blood batman tried to make the baby cry he got a feeble whimper. 

He had no idea what to do for the mother though he hadn't seen this much blood the last two times and she was showing small signs of blood loss. he gave her a protein and energy bar and a lolly he told her to eat the lolly first hopefully the extra sugar would help she cried out again and the placenta was delivered he knew he had to check that the placenta was whole but how to do it was not something you could read then do he had no idea what a full placenta felt like but this one looked wrong “she is losing blood fast.” He said quietly to Alfred who alerted the ambulance then said the joker had stopped it “tell them if he wants to see me, he can hitch a ride.” Batman informed Alfred as Batman carefully did all he could to look after both the very small possibly malnourished premature child and his haemorrhaging mother the ambulance arrived swap "you." he called out to the paramedic who was trying desperately to get the joker off his back he flipped over and knocked the joker out with a blood chokehold allowing him to fall to the ground behind the paramedic who walked to the woman and baby the baby was moving but the woman was too still


	4. The forth Time It Happened

The 4th time it happened, he was at a gala which happened to be in his house. It was his 18th birthday, apparently, this required a big fancy bash of people he doesn’t know. he was alerted to a problem by a yell from one of the bathrooms of a guest bedroom as far as possible from the rest of the guests. Yes, he was hiding so what. He had left with a drunk model he could be gone for the rest of the evening saving him having to do that again. His perfect memory made it impossible to forget Mandy's name but he was glad he was out of the simmering fake blonds grip. Hearing the scream he moved forward. "I don't flipping care if we aren't at home. I need you to call the midwife before I put a baby on this floor!" the woman screamed at the man Jake who said he didn't want to leave her alone. Bruce knocked on the door when Jack answered “I can sit with Janet while you call the midwife I've really got nothing better to do” Bruce offered “ok” Jack said. He quickly swapped places with Bruce he saw Janet had left a huge amount of liquid on the floor and was now squatting over it whimpering. He knelt in front of her guiding her hands to his shoulders "use me for balance as much as you like. I'm going to check you’re not bleeding too much ok." Bruce spoke calmly as he understood that she was probably scared. "You're fine I can feel your baby's head. tell me what's going on. Please, Janet, don't worry about anyone hearing I turned the soundproofing on." Bruce clarified.  
"I need to push but the midwife is not here yet." she wailed at Bruce "If you need to push you push not doing so may harm you and baby. Hey just relax go with what your body is telling you ok. the midwife will get here soon." Bruce soothed the distressed woman who screamed as he rubbed her back. He held one hand under her waiting quietly as she pushed down on his shoulders quite hard. Her hips moved as she pushed in time with her contractions. The way she was moving seemed to help. Just then Jack entered the room. "Can you grab me a bunch of towels please Jack, there are some in the bathroom," Bruce said relaxing now he had someone else to help him. He got handed a bunch of towels he took two and laid them on the floor "Jack can you hold her dress above her belly please I need to see what's going on. So the baby doesn’t hit the floor." Bruce instructed the man did as he asked, "If you could also rub her back slowly your job to do the encouragement. Now, I need to focus better." Bruce continued to instruct then he instructed him how to rub her back. When he had got it Bruce removed his hands and focused on the job of catching. He held one towel ready to wrap the child in. He still was yet to be taught about the placenta and that was the bit he was always worried about. He sent a coded message to Alfred so he would sort a midwife for them. He saw the head fully out he had only just gotten into position in time as he caught the child rubbing it's back. He wondered why they had been here rather than at home. He felt the weight of the baby was it premature? it could be by feel based on the other babies he had held, not that he was working on a large sample size. The baby wailed, he was careful as Jack moved his wife to the bed to sit on a towel. Bruce placed the baby in its mother's arms she looked around and hung her head panting. Bruce watched the couple as he waited with them for medical help. Janet looked like she would rather be anywhere else than their with her family. he recalled that they were going to travel to an archaeological dig in Egypt before the announcement of Janet’s pregnancy. Because Janet looked shifty Bruce watched her carefully well aware that this woman wasn’t quite who she seemed. Jack, on the other hand, was as straight up as they came. he was cooing at the child as if he had named it already and was eagerly anticipating his first smile. He hoped for the man’s sake the woman refrained from killing the child as his instincts told him she might.


	5. The Fifth Time It Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is longer

The fifth time it happened, Bruce was getting thoroughly sick of trying to deliver babies when he had no idea how. He was only 18. He shouldn’t have to do this but when a fertility goddess wondered by and got into a row with Hal Jorden over her being allowed in this space sector and Hal called the Justice League which was still new and really not up to the task of scaring a goddess off so of course they were snatched out an important meeting to deal with this. which consisted of a child yelling at another child he whistled sharply enough everyone stopped what they were doing

"Enough he said she said. why are you here? and what is your name?" Batman grumbled

"Aphrodite, I was just passing through on my way to the Nekola system when I noticed your goddess of fertility has been very slack in her granting of special privileges. So, I stopped to see if I could fix it your biology seems to dislike my methods." The goddess explained,

"Why did you think we needed extra fertility, Aphrodite?" Batman asked casually as if he was not talking to a very powerful being who had soundly defeated a green lantern.

"you are all virgins! This is a travesty!" Aphrodite explained,

"why is it such a bad thing to have never tried to have children?" Batman asked the goddess while the rest of the group got upset that this goddess called them virgins and had their pride hurt besides from Superman who nodded to Batman's question and looked enquiringly at the goddess

"because of your insolence, I shall show you why you are virgins and you too who have not shown yourselves to be insolent I shall give you many blessings.” The goddess declared and suddenly they were engulfed in a ball of black with silver tongues darting out to hold each individual Bruce watched holding himself still not allowing his body to react Superman was released first to stand in the bubble by himself looking worried maybe his Kryptonian-self allowed the blessing to take hold quicker than with Bruce. whose uniform was being removed carefully from his lower body he could still see out, but no one could see him he had checked he stayed still as the warm flexible arms began to explore his body he didn’t react.

  
If he didn’t want to have sex, he would make it as dang well hard as he could for the other person to get it nothing about the situation was arousing, he didn’t like it at all. So, he stayed still and began meditating the silver tentacles seemed to take this as a challenge. The goddess herself seemed to be enjoying the challenge of making him come or maybe she was enjoying whatever she was doing to the others. He was enjoying the challenge he felt the pleasure he knew as soon as he started getting offensive his adrenaline would go up and he would lose so he felt it he just firmly didn’t allow that pleasure to get his blood rate up or excite him. In that way, at all, it was simply a pleasant feeling Clark was wandering around in his slowed down bubble the others wherein bubbles which seemed to be going very fast he watched his friends live about 8 months of their lives before he got slowed down as well Clark was still moving at a normal speed he looked like he had exploded out of his bubble seconds ago he was still taking the first step he waited for the tendrils to give up and go away or try harder they tried harder. He continued to meditate the wall got covered in inappropriate pictures Bruce closed his eyes that was close, though they tried harder it didn’t have an effect they finally worked out he couldn't tune out the sound around the 2-hour mark. so they began playing sex sounds they had a great set of scenes on them though as they quickly worked out what his favourite things where the things that would get him off quickest they were also gently playing with his asshole despite the fact it made him very uncomfortable and whenever he felt them going near there a lot of the work the tongues had done was removed it wasn’t until about the third hour according to his cowl clock that he got tired he had been up for 24 hours by this point and he slipped he got annoyed by the time this was going into his time for sleep. As a teenager, he had a healthy like of sleep. As soon as his anger was allowed to be present his blood rate went up his adrenaline spiked and he got hard instantly enabling the tentacles to get at quite a few more plusher centres but he would not give up ever he tried to meditate himself back to flaccid but he didn't manage it at all he thought the main reason he didn't manage was because he was still a teenager and as such was as horny as hell most of the time including now.

  
he gave up on staying not hard and on not coming but still held himself still he would react as little as possible to this invasion of himself. He waited it only took a further three minutes to make him come the tentacles weren’t finished with him yet as he finished they gave up being cautious about getting into his ass as it had given him away to regain control of his body from the limbs but now they had gotten an orgasm from him they didn’t care if he enjoyed it in that way or not and his body had naturally relaxed after his orgasm. He wanted to sleep but the questing slick probe entering his body made him tense he really didn’t like this but apparently this didn’t matter to the appendages as they continued surely on they found his prostate which they used to remove the remainder of his mind, he still exercised his control by remaining as still as he could and silent. Clark looked to be watching him as the man could move and prosses quite quickly despite the time dilation that had changed due to him taking forever he wasn’t sure how much the man could see and understand. The appendages that were moving in him weren’t hurting him at all but he kept getting shocked by them hitting what was apparently his prostate they seemed to releases a gulpy substance into him he was unsure what that would do to him but it waited approximately two minutes then did so again then the thing in him swelled and the other snake-like limbs began to massage his abdomen. In five minutes he felt like sleeping which he decided he may as well if this was all that was happening to him he sleet when he woke the cowl said it had been 5 hours he was redressed in his suit and laying on the ground Superman was moving at a normal speed around him as the tentacles released him superman clocked the movement and raced forward to the man catching him before he fell to the ground.

  
“I’ve got you, Batman,” he said gently as the man fell into his arms he sat on the chair facing the other bubbles cradling the vigilante against him. He was shaking in the man’s arms he cradled the man close to his chest as the other bubbles burst and they all exploded into life in front of them and the other members of the justice league were there yelling which galvanised the Batman to stand up on shaking legs he saw the pain etched on to each of their faces they all collapsed on to the floor Superman managed to catch wonder woman and Batman managed to catch the Flash who whimpered into his arms Batman felt the man's stomach move in a way that he hadn't felt from a male before but he had in females before. he stood the man up the tentacles had left their pants off Batman moved his arms to hold up the flash who cried out he seemed to be glad that Batman was there.

“you’re ok flash I’ve got you,” he said gently putting the guy's hands on his shoulders as he moved to catch the baby he was really annoyed at this goddess who did she think she was giving extra problems to those that couldn’t deal with it. Nothing for it but deal with the hand he had been given the Flash seamed be saying thank you to Batman endlessly he babbled to the man who grunted at him he whimpered the contractions seemed to be going faster than he had ever seen before as he was the Flash Bruce simply assumed it was normal.

"That's it Flash you're doing a good job, try to relax and go my speed listen to me." The man said gently as he had learnt to do for these situations

“breath Flash you're fine breath it will all be sorted out later relax, breath." Bruce said to the man

“can you do some counting for me.” Batman asked the young man Flash began to count he got to 5 before he started to swear and yell. Batman felt the head descend into his hand he let the child slip into his arms he went to rock the baby but it had disappeared Flash collapsed onto Batman

“That was horrible why do intergalactic deities do this kind of thing to us all the time” the Flash complained Batman stood ignoring the silly male who was asking questions which he already knew the answer there was a missing baby to be found it wouldn't survive long without help he looked around he made sure that the Flash would be ok then foisted the still complaining male on Superman and began looking around the room.

"what appears to be the Problem man of bats'" said a serving robot

"The baby vanished and I don't know if it is ok or where it is." Batman growled looking around the room

"The mistress did say you might be distressed it is ok the baby's soul has been moved to one of the couples which have been praying to Aphrodite for children and a body without a soul can't exist so the baby vanished as your argument that you presented to her on behalf of your companions was very persuasive though they still need to learn to be more respectful of visiting deities.” The robot eased Batman’s worry causing him to grunt and return to his friends who had sorted each other out well the Flash was eating the food superman had laid wonder woman on the bed Green lantern had caught himself and the two other justice league members bringing the group to lay with wonder woman on the bed they were all moaning intermittently Back Canary was struggling with keeping her cry within normal limits Shiera was laying about herself as if she had her mace Batman walked over and looked at both members he thought that Canary might deliver first but these things could change fast he pulled Canary up into a standing position but she automatically crouched Batman shrugged and sat down guiding her hands onto his shoulders so she could keep balance despite the pain he held his hands out

“This is going to hurt Black Canary but you will be fine ok.” Batman said in a strong sure voice he felt her nod against his head good she knew what was going on or she trusted him, either way, was fine he saw the baby's head spread the tight opening she groaned and the child slipped into the world and vanished he stood pulling Canary into his arms

“well done” he murmured into her hair laying her on the bed he looked around again Shiera had collapsed onto the floor he ran over to her she was rolling about on the floor he picked her up and set her on her feet getting her to hold onto his shoulders

“Batman who or what is stabbing my stomach?” she asked telling Batman she had absolutely no experience or learning about this type of thing he looked over at the others wonder woman had gone to sleep and Hal was swearing up a storm Superman was trying to make him be quiet

“Relax Shiera your insides just want to come out and they are making a big production of it did you not see what happened to Black Canary?" He asked with a level voice as if this happened to him every day it was getting to feel like that though he always thought that this would be the last time he had to do this it was becoming more annoying that he had no way of learning how to deal with this

"no. it feels like something is attacking me how I have no idea. You’re in the way make it stop Batman.” She yelled at the man crouching at her feet

“I can’t make it go away Shiera because no one is attacking you. It’s like getting a bullet pulled out it gets worse and worse until it's out then it gets better." Batman explained gently as well as he knew how to she grunted:

"yes that’s it, good job we keep going alright.” Batman said when she stopped wriggling and started to put all that energy into the right place as soon as she had calmed down a bit her body took over and went by instinct she yelled as the child pushed through the hole into the outside world but unlike normal it looked like a but rather than a head he had read about breech births before all the books he could get said this should be handled by a trained professional of which he couldn’t become because of reasons like lack of life experience and age.

“Ok, Shiera this looks a bit complicated just stay with me ok and talk to me alright." Batman said looking up at the woman who was sweating and panting she put her head on top of his head

"Alright can I move?" she asked,

"yes how do you want to move?" the Bat asked

"Can I lay down on my front?" she asked Bruce ducked between her legs

"yep go for it," he said she ended up only kneeling not actually laying down when she yowled in a very inhuman way the but appeared Batman caught it then pulled it the rest of the way out the wings where difficult to get out but he managed it by using his fingers the child appeared fully out and then vanished like the previous two he hoped the where the child ended up they got to use the wings they were born with. He stood picking up Shiera and placing her gently on the bed with the Flash and Black Canary who had gone to sleep

“well done Shiera you get to sleep now I have to go deal with Hal" he made a disgusted face which made the woman laugh. As he left them all in the care of Superman as he moved to Hal who was looking at his stomach like it had grown a second head which thinking about it. it had so probably an appropriate reaction.

"well done Hal an appropriate reaction I do believe your stomach has grown a second head," Batman announced upon entering the room causing the man to fall off the bed Batman caught him

"Don't worry I spoke too soon me entering a room doesn't entitle you to fall off your seat I'm not that exciting." Batman quipped with the man who looked at Batman like he had grown a second head then yelled out Bruce felt around he wasn't sure how this would go after all the Flash was hardly a normal human Batman put the guy down on the ground and knelt in front of him he still wasn't fully dilated he then stood up and moved on to wonder woman who was more dilated that Hall there was a stethoscope on the table he used it to listen to the four hearts as he had expected if one of them had twins that would have been difficult to explain to the fertility goddess.

“ok, Hal I’m going to take a nap wake me if you need to push or something or Dianna wakes up” Batman said grunting as he lay on the floor closing his eyes rolling up in his cape showing Hal the man was covered head to toe in gunk superman came over and looked at the two who had yet to get

“better” and looked at his teammate who was sleeping on the floor seeing how gunky he was and smiled gently at the vigilante and went and got a bowl of water and began to gently wash the gunk off the man gently nudging the man’s head onto his lap as he cleaned his arms which were the messiest he looked a bit mournful trying to heal the mess that was the man that no one knew he had held the entire team's hand in this mission and they had won the God thing was going to leave mainly because of the sleepy man in his arms he himself was exhausted but he knew that Arkham had had a massive break out of Friday and it wasn’t reported whether Batman had gotten them all before the meeting Superman hoped so for his friend's sake after all the guy was quite obviously shattered if he trusted Hal to keep watch he had always said the man was useless as well anything so this trusting must be something else. Wonder woman screamed waking the bat who was off superman’s lap and to wonder woman’s side in seconds as she held her knees the head was pushed up against the opening

“why is this taking so long Batman it should be done by now." Wonder woman asked

"you are currently fitting a human head through the size of a ten-cent piece. Of course, it is going to be a challenge generally miracles are.” Batman said,

“so how are you feeling?” he asked,

“Like I need to push but I don’t want to it hurts.” The woman cried on Batman’s shoulder

“you need to push then it has to hurt so that you can get better like rebreaking a bone.” Batman analogised stroking her back reassuringly superman grabbed the other shoulder flash, Shiera and Black Canary had all recovered enough to help Hal Batman let Superman takes the weight of reassuring Dianna while Batman checked on how she was progressing she was doing ok but not rocketing along as some of the women he had helped he went and checked on Hal he didn't even look ready to begin Flash came down next to Batman

"what are we looking for?" he asked fascinated how on earth would Batman be the one to know all this stuff he would have anticipated wonder woman or superman Black canary or Shiera would have been next on the list, in fact, he would have before today even put himself as knowing more about this kind of girl only thing above the bat as he exuded dark vibes not at all a thing you would want around a pregnant woman or children he barely got on with Rational adults like himself or superman or wonder woman. But then again he did put out the I know everything vibe and was constantly daring every villain to come up with something he didn't know a number of Flashes villains had a betting pool going it was his job to satisfy their requests for info

"See that round gap there when you see something that's not just hole call me over and if I can't get here quick enough play catch judging by this though it shouldn't." Batman explained completely inadequately

“ok so I just look at it all the time?” he asked for clarification

“Hal will also start to get louder and stop protesting as much,” Batman explained. Half an hour of walking between the two later

"HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE BRUCE?" Wonder Woman yelled

"well you are making slow progress according to my experience but you are making progress so I don't feel the need to intervene and this could take as much as 12 hours of pushing," Batman said in a very straight forward kind of way.

"I'M SUPPOSED TO BE PUSHING?" wonder woman yelled,

"if you would like," Bruce said very mildly

"FLIPING H***. YOU COULD HAVE SAID THAT EAIRYER." She yelled at the source of her pain Batman raised an eyebrow at the woman.

"Bruce how much force am I allowed to use?" wonder woman asked,

"let's see how much you can give it." Batman said crouching

"won't I hurt the child?" Dianna asked,

“Di the Baby has your DNA and was grown in you it can take whatever you dish out." Bruce said she screamed and gave it her all resulting in sweat breaking out on her brow

"that's more like it." Bruce said,

"and again." He instructed,

"I HATE YOU." Dianna yelled as she pushed there we go crowning

"This bit will hurt more you can do it." Bruce encouraged

"HOW ON EARTH IS IT POSSIBLE TO HURT MORE AAAAARRRR" wonder woman yelled at Bruce as Clark bent down to look and promptly turned white

"you find out? The head is out one more big push then it will be over." Bruce encouraged

"yes…. you …. Barstad ….” Dianna panted then with a final yell and a slipping sound then a pop.

“well done Dianna go have a sleep. You ok Clark you look kind of green.” Bruce said

“fine,” the man said tightly he slapped the man's back causing him to fail onto the floor Batman raised an eyebrow at his sometimes partner, implying a heavy Yeah Right and walked off to see the Flash with Hal who was walking well waddling around the room muttering Bruce stopped by and looked

"are you comfortable like this?" the Bruce asked Hal

"no I'm walking around with a giant watermelon pushing on my bladder and my insides periodically decide they want to squeeze the life out of me this is the definition of comfortable." Hal said with a huge amount of sarcasm

"you'll be much more comfortable when your insides decide they are ready to squeeze the watermelon out a hole the size of a ten-cent piece." Batman counted

"no! why?" Hal looked horrified

"that is the only way you are going to get rid of the watermelon and it will keep growing and getting bigger with every hour and day. So, either do it now when it is merely a giant watermelon or wait till tomorrow by when it will be a huge watermelon oh wait you can't choose nice thought though." Bruce teased the man

"you are officially horrible spooky," he said pushing the man over Bruce let the man which made him puff out his chest feeling proud of himself all the others besides flash had left when Batman came over

"oi spooky you scared off my entourage." Hal said Batman looked up at the man and raised an eyebrow

"If I managed to scare them off, they are not much of an entourage." Batman replied,

"god that hurt spooky." Hal joked in response

"AAAHHHAAARR" he interrupted Batman's reply

"wonder woman is right that hurts. He yelled as he felt the first pushing contraction pushing with it.

3 hours later

“Well, now I can see the head you know this is the longest this has ever taken while I’m present,” Bruce said railing the man up again it seemed to work last time he went from being only 7 cm dilated to being 10 and pushing in moments it worked again the baby slid towards them at a faster speed than it had been going before Bruce kept teasing the man lightly as he kept his adrenaline up which seemed to be helping and yelling at Bruce for a reason seemed to help the man as well the child slid towards Bruce an inch at a time Clark came over

“Are you going to faint on us boy scout?” Bruce asked,

“No sorry about before Bruce I just wasn’t expecting that to look like that,” Clark said catching Hal from Barry who was flagging

“Go eat something Flash,” the man said quietly

“What were you expecting boy scout?” Bruce asked the man

“Gold and jewels? you said Dianna had crowned I assumed a crown in the king scene, not a crown as in the top of a head." Clark said batman simply face palmed

"What on earth did your high school teacher teach you in Sex ed or human Biology?" Hal asked the man looking like the man had just grown an extra head

"That only females gave birth to young. I had just watched Flash give Birth I was still in a bit of shock anything could have happened." Clark answered,

“Clark, never change.” Bruce said shaking his head and chuckling as much as Batman doses anyway.

“CAN YOU GUYS FOCUS IM HAVING A FLIPPING BABY HERE” Hal yelled at the two men as his legs decided to go on strike making him flop lucky superman was on to it and caught the falling lantern thinking about it Bruce was surprised that it hadn’t happened to one of them before that he noticed that the nerves for the lower half pass through the area females probably have some protection for it but guys were not designed to have children so the crushing pushing power that is required for this might temporally cut some feeling and strength to the lower half

“you’ve got this Hal. your just fine.” Batman said

“HOW ON EARTH CAN THIS BE FINE I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS AND THEY STOPPED WORKING AND I HAVE A WATERMELON INSIDE ME THAT WANTS TO COME OUT” Hal screamed at Batman

“your legs will probably start working again in like 10 minutes if you keep trying to get the watermelon out,” Batman said to the distressed man both calming and riling him up a bit resulting in him reaching out to hit Batman who took the hit calmly allowing the lantern to vent some of his anger. The head continued to descend at a slow pace

"lantern are to going to give this some muscle or just continue at this snail-like pace" Batman complained he wanted to go to seep like yesterday he was starting to get fuzzy which he got when he was approaching 74 hours without adequate sleep lantern began to yell at Batman again telling him exactly what he thought of him and where he could stick his suggestions but it worked the man pushed with all his might he had been sweating and panting for the last 3 hours but now he panted to the extent that he couldn’t speak despite the need for him to berate the man who was helping him to do this in the most infuriating way possible

“So lantern what have you learnt about deities through this experience?” Batman asked the distressed man

"That making them upset is never a good idea" Batman nodded at the man who yelled back resulting in the head crowing

"Ready for the ring of fire Hal?" Batman asked

"NO!" Hal yelled at the infuriating bat

"Too bad you don't get a choice. You insulted a goddess." Batman reminded the man being aggravated at the situation he needed to sleep. The guy yelled back changing in pitch as he hit the ring unfortunately, he didn’t make it through the ring in one go. So, he had to try again on the next contraction in which he did manage to get the head out.

"That's the head." Bruce said Hal looked down and saw the head hanging between his still useless legs as Superman held him aloft with Batman's hand gently waiting below for the child to be born he suddenly felt pretty useless he started to sob slightly

"You’re doing a good job Hal your nearly done,” Superman said quietly into the man he was holding’s ear Hal gathered his strength and pushed with all his might Batman caught the child who didn’t vanish like the others he looked inquiringly at the robot who handed Batman a towel which he grabbed and began to rub the squealing Baby's back

"The Lantern made my mistress the most upset by calling for you stiff-necked people besides for yourself and the child, master Batman, she has stated that he must look after the child himself for at least a year.” The robot proclaimed Lantern’s sentence

“Well, what are we going to do about the placenta then?" Batman asked the Robot

"Are you, not a qualified individual Batman." The robot replied

"No," Batman answered the robot

"Then how did you manage the rest of them?" the Robot asked

"Adrenalin and basic first aid" Batman replied holding the baby against his chest and close to the Lantern whom Superman had laid on the bed

"You will be returned to your time and place in less than a minute." The robot replied

"You can find a suitably qualified individual then" the robot elaborated Batman nodded and waited for the transport half a minute later it worked depositing the individual that had been selected back in their meeting room just as the others had stood at their disappearance

“J’onn J’onzz can we all have a med check start with Hal and the child see if you can’t separate them” Batman informed handing the child to its still connected parent as Superman who had caught the man falling from the fact he used to be on a bed passed the man to the Martian who carried him off to the med bay Batman looked around and saw the project slides three from the end

“The rest of us can continue this while we are waiting for our check-up before we can go home.” Batman concluded then continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted by being abducted, made into a sex toy and delivering 4 children the rest of the league took his lead and moved back to the meeting besides from superman who was often the exception for this he had filled up a bowl with water and began to wash the hand Batman wasn’t using it was understandably grubby and gunky he then washed out the bowl and came back and switched the hand Batman was using the man humoured the superpowered alien after all if he pushed it he couldn’t really fix it if Clark decided he wanted to he would he saw the eyes the superpowered man was making at him yeah he knew he would have better luck arguing with an earthquake than fighting this so he stayed and finished the slides then began to release the meeting saying that those that were abducted had to wait to be medically cleared before leaving the watchtower the rest of the group was free to return to earth as long as someone stayed to take J’onn’s shift on monitor duty Batman finished the meeting causing the people who had been left behind to vacate the room at a speed which was not normal

“Now Superman what are you trying to do?” Batman asked the man who was now cleaning his chest plate handing the man a sandwich from the snack table which just happened to be the man’s favourite he continued to clean Batman

“you're covered in blood and guts they are afraid of you I’m cleaning you now eat up your blood sugar is so low that I’m surprised you are still standing,” he said handing the vigilante a sweat from the table as well Batman looked at the man who was quickly slipping into best friend territory far too easily J’onn came back

“Your next Batman I see Superman has been cleaning you off that is good perhaps a shower on your way to the check-up make sure you eat that food. I shall Check Black Canary in the meantime” the Martian informed the Batman who finished the lollies and the sandwich as quickly as he possibly could then he wandered to his room where he had a spare suit he put his current suit in a bag and sent it with a note off to Alfred who was probably proud that the only thing on Bruce's brain right now was sleep he wandered into the med bay waiting as Black Canary was released into the world with no ill effects He then made his presence known to the people in the room his appearance frightened both of them into jumping the Martian recovered the quickest

“Good your just on time Batman if you could come this way?” the Martian led him to stand in the diagnosis chamber

“J’onn how are Hal and the child?” Batman asked

“separated and sleeping well they are being monitored by the tower we will know the second anything changes” the man informed

“as with Hal and Flash, it appears you now have a uterus and vagina and it appears you will be able to conceive and bear children which was not something you could do before though it looks like you will still be able to sire children so you will need to be careful in two ways though you are in no danger of self-impregnation” J’onn diagnosed

“right anything else or can I go home to sleep now,” Batman questioned showing his teen-ager colours just a bit. J’onn shew the man out

“finally” as he glided out of the room, he was far too well trained in silent-movement to stomp but the idea and intention were there.


	6. This Time It was Planed

The next time it happened it was planned.

“All right as the justice league now has over 20 members it is time we started to do some training and reduced our meeting requirements and increased the hours the watchtower is maned yes I am well aware that some people live here and their help has been indispensable but it is unfair to expect them to work more than a 40 hour week because we have jobs on earth and we do need a method or two to gain some more money as feeding this space station is becoming a full-time job and with the help, we are offering people having some help with the simple things like that would be helpful. But that is for another meeting get some ideas percolating, today is about the training I've put down some training ideas that could help the league some of these could be taken by current league members and others we will have to ask a professional to give up their time to teach us at the hall. So if you want to learn something or want someone else to learn something put it on the list that is going around if it is already on the list please sign your name next to it so we can get the most needed courses done first and everyone will be signed up to either teach a class or learn in a class if you have a particular course that you want to do yourself or one you want to teach please email me. Any questions?” Batman said.

“how do you plan on fitting this around our already busy and unpredictable schedules?” Superman asked knowing that the man had already figured it out he just wanted to know how he had done so

“well you all submitted a base schedule and of course the course will be paused for major problems and a lot of it will be online learning and go at your own pace kind of work and one to two hours every week can’t be that hard to get free and if I can swing it you can boy scout.” Batman said thinking the man had asked because he thought he couldn’t do it

“I also haven’t got your choices for courses yet that will make it easier to organise.” Batman allowed.

“man Bats this list is really extensive it includes things like cooking and washing to engineering and building to midwifery, first aid and triage." Commented Green arrow

"I shall put together a survey to identify class groups and you will attend the class I put you in even if it was not one of your choices, after all, I will also be asking what the others think you need and this will be taken into account as well. I ask that you get to the survey as soon as you can." Batman stated it should be out before the end of the day when you have read and signed the sheet of paper you can you may leave." Batman announced.

“So, B is the reason midwifery is on the sheet because of the event last month it was fairly unpleasant, but you seemed to be able to manage well,” Superman asked

“No, the reason I added that was because I have needed to know at least 5 times and that is 4 times more than I like to be in the unknown space in any one issue. I have been unable to find someone to teach me in my civilian identity they all seem to be of the opinion that I don’t have enough life expense to do it and they are remarkably firm on the point. So, if Bruce Wayne can’t get the training may be the bat can, not that anyone really wants to hang out with the Bat most are scared of him and rightly so.” Batman groused.

“I’m not scared of you B and I want to hang out with you,” Superman said gently trying to improve the man’s opinion of himself he loved Batman he wanted to be around him all the time more so since the fertility goddess visit he had even stopped noticing Lowis as much as he had before the incident which was good as he stopped tripping over his bottom lip as much and stopped following her around like a lost puppy luckily the behaviour hadn’t transferred to Batman yet at least he could imagine just how unimpressed the Dark night would be with his puppy impression at least he could still argue with the man and stand up for himself with Lowis he was an idiot even the Manson debacle was really short-sighted he was glad he had stopped that when he did Both of them had had the potential to wreck his life and the thing Cat was implying heavily they should get into it if her grabbing his tie every time he came into the office was getting over the top. Batman had glared at him and raised an eyebrow at Clark while he was getting lost in thought

“you’re a lot more calming then an alien invasion and the idea that you are going to fix whatever it is made even me feel safer even if we can’t work out how on earth you are going to fix it then you do and surprise everyone I’m looking forward to you pulling an organisational one with the lessons and teaching schedules still have no idea how you will make it work but I’m going to watch and see if I can work but then I’ll probably just conclude that you are magic or something,” Clark said smiling at the bat

“So you don’t think I can’t do it.” The Bat asked with a surprising amount of vulnerability

“Of course you can do it I couldn’t and can’t see how you can but you can do it and you have proven so many times over since the league was founded nearly a year ago I can’t believe it’s been a year.” Clark said to the man

“We have nearly survived an entire year of alien invasions I didn’t even think we would work for more than a month,” Bruce said,

“Thanks, B I’m going to look at doing something about that for the paper maybe I’ll even get in the pages this time Morgan Edge is really being annoying.” Clark said smiling at the man beside him who grunted but kept walking beside Bruce Cark took this as a signal to keep talking he had gotten to know the guy fairly well and knew if he didn’t want him there or didn’t like his line of talking he would tell him to go away as it was he made it to the lounge area and he sat on one of the couches and he sat next to him Clark was just happy to sit by Bruce but he wanted to get some work done

“Hey B I’ll be back just want to grab my laptop,” Clark said Bruce gave an affirmative grunt Clark was back in a moment, but green lantern had decided to sit on Bruce's other side annoying the man

"Hey lantern, working here," Clark said as he sat down by Bruce and opened his laptop and began to work

"What should I call that thing with the omega beam guy?" Clark asked Bruce

"The battle with Darkside," Bruce answered briefly

"How will that differentiate the one we had at the founding of the league and the one three months later?" Clark asked Batman looked at the Clark like he was dumb

"So number them as parts like the battle with Darkside part 1 and part 2?” Clark asked the man who nodded as he looked at his wrist computer for two minutes the two of them worked in silence as the rest of the league wandered around chatting to each other Hal tried to start a conversation with the Batman who just grunted at him in a way that meant why are you telling me this? Hal just ploughed ahead telling the batman about his girlfriend and his training in the raptor’s Batman cocked his head when he talked about the raptors

“How do they destabilise the air cone to turn as well as they are reported to?” Batman asked the pilot

“The ailerons are independent of each other and controllable by the pilot this is how you turn fast, but a warning the G’s are pretty massive,” Hal said

“I worked out how to reduce G’s to nothing so it’s not a problem. So, it’s about control surfaces I’ll have to implement something for my distance fighter.” Batman mumbled to himself and sent an email to Alfred about it then he looked at the sheet he had collected from the meeting room and began to add the new ideas to his pre-prepared survey all of the ideas looked decent and adult though he didn't understand why basic people skills and teamwork had been included but given the number of people who wanted it he added it he smiled as he saw that all the group that had been on the Fertility Goddess fiasco were signed up to the midwifery one it made sense they saw how much they needed it. The survey finished and sent the request was that they complete it by the end of the weekend it was needed for him to get started on the time table he was aware it would be a challenge but he had Alfred who was definitely magic and he would show his tricks to Bruce like Bruce was showing them to Clark. The man even had put the steps in front of the man he now just had to watch him take them. Bruce sent the man a report on the events the league had responded to and the events which were discussed within the league meetings and asked if creating a press statement or report would be a good idea Clark leaned over soon after he had sent it

“Include damage reports for both our casualties and property damage also give an estimate of the damage if we didn’t intervene so they can see that we are helping even if it is at the cost it will produce more balanced coverage and give G Godfrey less to complain about or more to complain about but at least his facts will be right I hate it when he gets his facts wrong,” Clark said to the man who had emailed him Batman huffed.

“When is the plan to release that?” Clark asked the man

“Probably the day before we turn one and then we need to work on a plan for what is next for the league we can include the training initiative and the full-time monitoring and collecting money for food and repairs maybe we could do some construction work or something and what are we going to do about the wars how do we fix this because although I am faster than a speeding bullet I'm not from the other side of the world and I can't do anything for a splattered brain But I can still hear it," Superman explained,

"Can you count how many deaths you herd but couldn't prevent on an average day," Batman asked quietly

"Don't need to count. yesterday I heard 6347 deaths I couldn’t prevent, and I didn’t spend any time on the watchtower or in space to have any breaks so that would be about average” Superman said to his friend

"How many deaths did you prevent?" Batman asked,

"64759 that day but it's a more flexible number particularly on disaster days." Superman replied,

"And about how many deaths are you aware of on any one day on average?" Batman asked

"about 151,600” Superman answered,

“why the discrepancy in numbers?” Bruce asked

“well although I’m aware of things while I’m asleep and when I’m in space but I don’t make the calculation of whether or not I could help its classified as my time and such time is vital for the times I'm needed so I can be on my game the rest of the time and run into fewer buildings there are also ones I choose not to intervene in such as Old people dying in their home I could get them to the hospital but whether that would help or not I don’t know generally I’ll help with a Physical injury or someone who is lost or natural disasters but illness I don’t really have metrics for it. Starving is an even bigger killer but again not much I can do I could carry food to the places it is needed and I do know where that is but I don't have the food I have been known to stop by aid organisations and fix their boards with my extra knowledge.” Superman explained to Batman who nodded at the man

“I suppose you have a lot of data ready at hand that others spend time surveying and collating and making guesses at you could probably find out where the worst place for education is.” Batman commented,

“Currently the females in Saudi Arabia are the lest educated group which is really sad as the sacred text talks about women being able to be in charge of their houses and running them with efficiency with their husbands and making good financial and agricultural decisions as well as being well versed in what is generally considered women's work in that part of the world," Clark explained,

"but it’s not something I can change with brute force and ignorance." He finished going back to his work seeing that Batman had given him a timetable to work with helping a friend with his job superman smiled feeling very special.

The next week Batman posted the new timetable for training he had chosen three courses the midwifery one the basic fighting one and a triage one he had split the league into three groups to do each Corse with a couple of teachers in each one but the midwifery one which had the biggest class of 10 people this would be starting in three weeks

“How do we convince our bosses we can’t be called in?” Hal asked being on call all the time when not called often was great for superhero work but didn’t work so well when you had to be somewhere at a set time and stay there for a certain amount of time

“Call it professional development or personal development. As you are in the Midwifery course, we can probably get a certificate put together. For you to show your boss and put in your file as a skill.” Batman acknowledged the difficulty and found the solution in seconds.

In the first class with the Midwives they did a what do you know kind of test which they all did differently on some got a zero Batman got a full 100% which to the rest of the group was no surprise but the speed at which he wrote it the correct answers out surprised them and every word was perfectly formed in capitals in precision rows the midwives seemed to be very surprised Superman wrote in a scrawl which looked unpractised the others did somewhere in between. They were mostly disguising there writing but if superman wrote something they could probably match it through the second midwifery teacher they had been threatened into finding out who the league members where. Particularly the masked individuals as they were quite difficult to pin down he just had to give them ideas he didn’t need to actually do it because he couldn’t as it was he might only be slightly more scared of the mob than he was of the justice league but only slightly. All his electronics were checked at the door and he was led to the room by Superman where all the members they were teaching where congregated Batman had gotten out a tablet and a pen and a stylus the man was sitting at the front of the room. Superman was sitting beside him with a pen and a notebook which was charmingly analogue a lot of them seemed to be charmingly analogue Batman was the only one with a device all the rest ether only brought then them selfies as in the case of Martian Manhunter and tornado, but most brought paper and writing utensils. The teachers walked to the front to set up for class the league members were talking much like an average class they were discussing their stationary of all things but in a way, normal uni students didn’t normally it was like oh I like your cover where did you get that pen. here it was what do you do with your speed and pens because my strength is annoying with them, though it is worse with pencils. I’m constantly braking pens and covering myself in ink at least here I can get upset a laser fry the bugger and get rid of the ink the same way though it generally only happens when I’m not focusing the flash replied with yeah if I write too fast the ink doesn’t work or dries out or something so I get the dents in the paper but no writing annoying when someone else writes over my not there scrawl. Superman chuckled as we finished setting up although we could take no tech in we could send and receive emails and print things at the place the fact Batman contracted there time for three hours was right it took half an hour to get through security lucky they weren’t subject to the indecency of a cavity search he supposed with Superman around such things where unnecessary.

Every other form of security check was performed on them before they had been allowed into the hall where they were escorted everywhere he could see that the windows and furniture were very carefully arranged they could see that the league members were working but not on what they were working they didn't see anything. But it was getting towards the time he should begin calling the class to order right on the dot of 1 pm Batman whistled and raised his eyebrows at the rest of the class they were in their seats and facing the front quicker than he had ever seen a class move Batman signalled them to begin they began with the final year test was what they were doing first if you feel like you can't answer or don't know that's kind of the point we are trying to figure out what you know and what you don’t so we can teach you according to what you know and what you don’t know the group just nodded and raised eyebrows at the teacher who was more used to questions being asked about curriculum, tests and assignments the papers where handed out in silence. The device that Batman was using magically disappeared as he got the paper

"you may start when you get your paper." The teacher said quietly they all wrote their symbols on it then began most looked like they were reading it first, but the flash didn't look like he did, but the guy's name was Flash. Superman also looked like he was just started writing the two who started with nothing finished reading one stuck up there hand and asked for a writing utensil the other sat there and undid the staple and feed the sheet through a new cavity in his body it came out with the answers printed on them and he handed the sheet in then sat back in his seat

"You may take a break tornado just be back in an hour for the next piece of information it took less than 15 more minutes for Batman to hand in his piece of paper followed quickly by flash and Superman in quick concession

“How do you write so quickly Batman the main issue me and Flash where having was the speed at which we could do the task limited by our writing utensils." Superman asked with Flash nodding at the information.

"Switch pens when the tip gets hot pens to work best when their ink is the temperature of your hand but the nib is cool to touch I switch out every paragraph you might want to do every word or sentence see what works for you,” Batman answered

“So I was right the ink is evaporating take that super scout,” Flash said,

“Actually your wrong Flash the ink is still there is just not enough pigment for the human eye to pick it up and the heat makes the ink thinner and flow more easily but more finely often too finely to see,” Batman stated,

“I solved the problem when I was in High school and you two are saying despite the added problems that the lack of ink provided you didn't think of a solution.” He finished.

“Trying to be normal, it was a good way of finding out I was moving too fast,” Superman answered.

“Only got my speed two years ago still working on not running into things and not falling over the speed control also good practice but sharing an office makes things harder.” The Flash said Batman grunted in acknowledgement to the difficulties of sharing an office could possibly present never having had experienced the phenomenon before they turned around and did a casual sweep of the facility Batman was Checking for bugs as they walked around superman would occasionally excuse himself to deal with the odd fire or robbery or mugging which meant the man did have some ears out to the world Batman was working on a case while he walked around scanning for bugs Flash was just talking his ear off about work and everything that involved Batman kept giving approving or disproving or enquiring noises the kid kept talking when he mentioned he was having trouble identifying a substance in the lab

“have you tried the spectral test for natural poisons yet,” Batman said,

“no thanks man I’ll text my Lab partner we can start them on Monday I’m sure he is just as annoyed by not knowing what’s going as me.” The Flash continued to talk about his day it was getting towards time to head back he checked the paths walked on his planer he needed to use the vents for the next bug scan so he would have to do it when he was alone the fact he did frequent bug scans of the watchtower was a given the fact he did the same in the Hall of justice was an unknown fact despite the tourists with they used to pay for many of the repairs needed for the watchtower and other facilities but it was as secure as the watchtower for listing devices although not as secure from lip-reading in the public spaces. The vents where plenty secure. Finally, it got to be time just as they rounded the last corner to the lecture theatre they entered again just before Superman and resumed their seats

“All right so we marked the sheets of those that left early and you were right Batman at least 3% of the class doesn’t need the course they just need the practical stuff so we will do an introduction and discuss how best to achieve that without your identities being discovered and how to keep the hospital requirements I imagine people will be against having masked presoners in the room of their delivery for there baby but we shall see what we can do the current plan is to go to the Washington DC hospital neo-natital unit so we go over their expectations with you now so we can come to a compromise” the male tutor said whose name was Josh if Batman remembered correctly he checked on his wrist computer he was correct the female Josie was her name was busily making the papers in the order they had come in Batman Tornado and J'onn J’onzz had scored 100% on their papers superman was close at 88% the rest ranged from 0% Hal how it was possible to get 0% when he was an average field medic Batman had no idea it was decided that Hal couldn’t do the fast paced course that they were putting together however he was given the reading material and told to read up and they would do another test on him next week see if he had improved or not the others had gotten in about 3 groups those who knew what they were doing which included Batman Tornado J’onn J’onzz and superman. There was a group which needed a few pointers which included Wonder woman Shiera and Flash they had gotten over 50% with very clear gaps in Knowledge then there was the rest who needed the entire course the two teachers were surprised at the male to female ratio, normally they had the opposite problem. so at least they could pair the boys with the girls on their course hopefully allowing better communication between the genders.

The next week the four league members were met outside the hospital by the course coordinator they said that you are doing an 8-hour shift from 3 pm-12 am shift they would be paired with not only the training midwife but another training student the group walked into the changing rooms where they where given clothes to where they kept their head masks though and J'onn J'onzz stayed green they walked out. Batman looked the most ridiculous with his black undersuit coming to his wrist and his back boots showing out the bottom of his uniform the cape was not on neither was the armour or the gauntlets, which left his bare hands exposed but he kept them out of sight most of the time meaning the staff and patient saw them as little as possible. as he was shown around his ward by Jess the training midwife. He meet his partner Xanthe who looked rather unimpressed by Batman’s appearance, as her partner for this, in fact, most of the midwives he had met were very real people and didn’t really care if Batman was standing in front of them it was very refreshing. most people couldn’t cope with Batman being there.

They where each given a room with a labouring couple Batman had been given a couple who looked like druggies and alcohol abusers no wonder they gave him them. They were probably scared of them despite the fact their look was quite clearly fake and the fact he walked in seemed to scare them, despite the obviously altered look

"Relax I'm here to do some training. I'm not here to tell you you've done something wrong." Batman reassured the couple who were sitting on the bed as Batman sat on a seat and began his vigil

"hum, sir, can Megan have a Ball it is allowed on her birth plan,” the man asked shakenly Batman nodded left and came back with the ball giving it to the woman coking his head when they looked at him with open mouth. Wondering what else he could do for them

“would you like anything else?” he asked gently the woman shook her head and sat on the ball making her sigh as it relived a lot of pressure and pain from her back and legs

“So Batman what are your thoughts on pain killers?” the woman asked,

“Most of the time I believe I will not have access to pain killers if I did I would not advise Laughing gas as it causes hallucinations and is an aerosol and I have bad expertness with such things and the name just don’t even go there particularly in Gotham but Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation Pethidine and Epidural anaesthesia are all good options and I know how to use them well and I have started to carry Pethidine with me due to the star event last week it is very annoying being shot.” Batman explained to the couple the fact he was against Laughing gas was a surprise to the patent but thinking it over it made sense the guy did cope with the jocker’s lagging gas and the Scarecrow’s fear toxin. He sat there waiting for something to happen the guy with the tattoos donating a retired gang member who probably got out of dealing the girl was covered in tats as well but the Batman knew the guy knew nothing and wasn't actively involved anymore he had probably been dropped when the Free Men gang fell back to protect its core in Gotham when he saw Batman he shook

“Are you going to arrest me, Batman," he asked

“No Josh you're fine" Batman growled

"I'm here learning the correct way of doing this so I can correctly do so in more problematic circumstances such as major emergencies or the odd stakeout or another snowstorm or tsunami” Batman explained to the worried man who looked on as Batman checked how dilated Megan was Josh fell over in a faint Batman looked confused for a gang member to faint at the casual checking of his wife’s privet parts was not something he had expected when he had finished checking on Megan he let her know she was 7 cm dilated. Batman put Josh in the recovery position on the floor in a place that wasn't heavily trafficked. she was contracting well as far as he could tell the midwife who was supervising came by to ask him how it was going

"So far so good can you explain their charts for me, Jess?" Batman said.

"why is there a man on the floor," Jess exclaimed as she walked into the room turning on her trainee.

“he fainted so I put him in the recovery position out of the way I thought he would be in the way in the hallway he is fine I’m checking him periodically,” Batman explained

“now charts” he focused the midwife on the more important matter the Midwife began explaining the charts to Batman she did check on the man though and ascertained that he was correct the Guy was just unconscious suddenly superman flew through the door

“Batman, Batman can someone break their hand by squeezing mine too hard?” superman asked,

“no, go on.” Batman informed the super causing him to fly off again to Batman’s shewing hand

“I checked Megan 3 minutes ago and she was 7 cm is that recorded somewhere on the documentation?” Batman asked Jess

“The second page of the patent booklet,” Jess said as her pager called her attention to another person on the ward who wanted her presence Batman had found the correct page and inputted the information into the documents why the documents were not electronic, he didn't know but maybe they didn't have good enough software. Hearing Josh begin to stir Batman moved to look him over then he

"Hi Batman," Josh said wondering quite clearly what happened and why he was on the floor

"Hi, Josh Take it slow do you have any idea why you fainted?" Batman asked quietly

"why do you need to know?" Josh asked with suspicion which pleased the dark knight

"Because it means we can avoid it happening again." Batman clarified for Josh

"Just all the gunk, blood and guts just took me by surprise my Job was bookkeeping I got an email on an itemised lists of thing and every month I’d send out a list of things that needed collecting but I stopped getting the original lists so couldn’t send out the needed collections,” Josh said seeing Batman’s razed eyebrow

"makes sense with the recent gang wars in Gotham they are playing things close to the vest and emailing stuff around is bound to catch my attention and the enforces were bond to have my attention I probably have your gang email monitored thus they can't use you to do stuff and if they sent someone to silence you or give you a new email it would be pinged by the less corrupt police at the precinct. Enjoy your holiday and I recommend standing by your wife's head and looking at me then you won't have to see Blood and guts." Batman said pleasantly. Josh smiled at Batman

"Thank you, sir," Josh said standing by Megan's head who looked like she also had a long history with the Free Men Gang as well possibly as a hooker or something else now with this child the gang would have been happy it is defiantly one of the ways for the group to grow. They waited for another half hour while Megan laboured before Batman checked her again 9 cm, he added the information to the form reading the birth plan

"If you still want to do a water birth, Megan, we need to move to the pool now." Batman enquired without inquiring

"yes, Josh can you start filling up the pool?" Megan asked her husband as she panted rolling her hips as she sat on the ball. When they had resituated to the pool with Batman crouching in the other end from Megan who was being held up by Josh Megan's yelling changed pitch

“ok, Josh I want you to focus on Megan and only her top half because where I am is going to get gunky soon,” Batman advised looking and seeing the cervix fully dilated

“Ok, Megan now it is time to push with the contractions ok just remember to breathe in between them alright." Batman encouraged hearing her scream as she pushed the child's head slipped towards him 5 minutes later the head was out and two more pushes later the little body slipped out Batman swished the child around before Bringing the child up from the water and resting him on his mother's chest. Josh reached over, seeing his child for the first time his entire body seemed to change as he smiled at the little miracle in his wife's arms both parents were entranced by their new son whose eyes opened to foggily look at them. Batman moved around making it possible to separate the Mother and Baby

"would you like to cut the umbilical cord, Josh, It is quite gunky?" Batman asked remembering what the man had said about blood and guts. The man nodded

“ok here are the scissors cut between this peg and this one” Batman instructed the man did the cut he had noted the time and called the midwife who was training him getting out of the pool he dried himself quietly taking the baby to be weighed and measured and wrapped up nice and warm and returned the Baby to his father as he walked around and looked at the cord seeing that the blood wasn’t getting any darker the midwife entered

"Placenta?" Batman questioned calling the midwife over she looked at the woman seeing the pulsing insides

"Any medication?" she asked quietly

"No" Batman replied gently

Checking the medical sheets and documentation the birth certificate was almost ready to go as was much of the rest of the paperwork Batman watched the midwife show him how to do it then grabbed his hand and guided him through actually doing it talking quietly about what was going on and how each bit mattered. Within the next half-minute, the placenta was delivered with no complications Batman cleaned up the woman in a shower and put her in a hospital gown manoeuvring her to the bed and encouraging her to feed her young one and asking what they were naming the child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's Done hope you like my second ever story on This Thing please tell me if I'm. getting things wrong or how to improve.


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